Morning     : Neutral

Noon        : Neutral

Afternoon   : +1

 

Up and down, this is what I describe my life. Been to the worst and one of the best achievement in my life.

 

Physically, I started to build back my stamina for the past few months, result is beyond my expectation. Mentally, I've been to hell and back. Now, I have my confident. Spiritually, nothing much different due to my church believes; myself, I'm more to a visual hunter rather than spiritual type. In my hand, I learned to live my life as according to the bible. My goodness, it is whole lot of mental suffer due to my human nature. I tend to be perfect as I could, but I ended up achieving nothing. Indeed, I learn to live the way I should as according to the bible, ignore my confused mind and do the rightful way as it should be. The whole last week, thought that I have the help of God's gift but I failed totally. Since I can't trust my feeling and my confidence in Him, I turned the other way round, practice what is right in Him, in action and in truth. Addition to it, I ignore my worldly sense and feeling. I just have to do it! No more fancy thought!

 

When looking into my debts, I wonder how much more I've to owe to this world? I have lost the one that I loved, I have feel bad about the loss and I've suffered enough for this relationship. I give up all this, let me concentrate in my soul searching, I do not want to waste time anymore. Let Him decide my life, I do not want to worry anymore or longing for a relationship.

 

I've it in my thought, I wished to fulfill my childhood dream, not an ordinary dream for an ordinary man. I think I've been mentally tortured to almost maximum, and I just can't stop challenge myself to do something beyond my ability. Well, that's what I consider that I can do everything through Him who gives me strenght! I hope I'm only dreaming.